Thursday, April 2, 2009

i pity the Fool...or, rockin' the breadbox...

Minutes after the April Fool's missive was posted, i was served up w/a $1500 bill for car repairs, on my hithereto impregnable Prius...bye bye warranty, we hardly knew ye...
or, d'ohhhhhhhhhhhh!

I waited in vain for his visage to crack, an eyebrow to raise...something, anything, but no, he was not joking. wah!

So i do this one from behind the wheel of a Toyota Scion, which for those of you who are not hip, is just what the subtitle implies, a rolling freakin' breadbox, which handles just like that...it seemed to randomly decide to be in 2nd or 3rd gear, depending on impending precipitation, or God. Tooling down 101, listening to the engine scream into the red as i hit 69 mph, pure joy...Only the Pixies 'Doolittle' at 42 on the comfy Pioneer sound system could put it out of my misery...

My history with rental cars is checkered...last fall i had a hideous all night party at LAX, locked out of the terminal until 6am, waiting for a flight to NY...laptop battery dies w/15 minutes to go in 'The Godfather', and Every Single Outlet is occupied by floor waxers...I do not begrudge a working man his gig, (not i!!), so i eat it and smile...and doze and fly all day, and when i arrive, the bro at the rental car desk says nothing, and i get out to the space and find a bright new Mustang waiting for me. I dashed back in to throw money, say thank you, buy him a bottle, but he had checked out for the day, good deed having been done. He could probably see it on my face...
I'm calling this Karmic payback for the previous rental escapade, involving a Chevy Malibu that was instantly and unlovingly named: 'The Flounder'. In a rare feat of double duty, it not only profanes the city of Malibu, CA, but manages to single.handedly sum up the decline of the American auto industry. (2007 model, apparently chastened executives ordered an overhaul during 2008.
Days of fishtailing around NY & Pennsylvania left me longing for the comparative rest of bouncing around a cockpit during brutal turbulence. Mysterious lights came on with no warning, and when i mentioned it to the rental folks, i was met with, 'yes, that's a problem with this model...'
Ok, and...?
Which brings us back to the Mustang...oh how i miss thee politically incorrect gas guzzling monster that you are...On a whim, (badly in need of headspace), i drove pretty much across Pennsylvania one morning, ending up at the Zippo factory out in western PA, before i turned back. Fun isn't the word for that machine, and whatever the hype is, it's twice that. This is mushrooming tangent time, lest i get completely out of control, it is worth mentioning for historical sake that upon this day, i unknowingly passed by not one, but two Sarah Palin rallies!
I was crushed when i saw CNN in a Chinese restaurant that night...of all the times to be in my little bubble...
But back to cars and stuff...just to bring it on home and tie up some loose ends...when it comes to cars, I'm certainly no Dan Neil, (whom i'd strongly advise checking out if you have any interest in the written word...he so thoroughly transcends the 'automotive writer' ghetto he's stuck in, one of the best pure writers on the paper), but I've driven in enough of These Great States to know what time it is...so there!

POSTSCRIPT:
The Prius is back, and all is well. Bless you if you make it through this screed; I feel better...

1 comment:

  1. Did your warranty just expire or something?

    That mustang looks sick...we always get like..the most generic rental cars ever, so I don't have anything particularly memorable about any of them. They didn't break down...which is good.

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